Oh today

today i went to an hour meditation class at the gym. it was alright.. not exactly what i expected. it made me really sleepy. im back at work now.. its been slow the past week, which is a good thing i suppose. my stomach has been good the past week but it started hurting slightly today and i hope it doesnt get worse tomorrow.
i have spanish class tonight.
i have to take my car in tomorrow morning.
mom wants me to go to that dam colonic place that i am very weary about.
ive been slipping back into bad ED behaviors.
i started weighing myself more than just the two times i said i would.
ive started logging again on allure :(
im not logging all the food i eat but i am logging my final calorie intake for the day and i am logging my exercises and then adding up for the week... bad stuff..
ive been jumping more and getting in any extra exercise i can and cutting out any cals i can.
i bought the 90 milk but i just cant wait to go back to my 40 milk..
i dont know whats wrong with me.
i just like to be thin. i hate what i look like with weight on me.
its soooo hard to give up this control. i can feel myself becoming more irritable and bitchy again though and i hate that.

i see my T again next tuesday (1 week) im glad to be but i HATE that i have to drive to vallejo.
thats 2 hours away from work and twice a month.. i'll end up having to tell con i know but i reeeeally dont want to. and im supposed to have lunch with the T but god what will i eat.. kinda embarrassing plus wont that take time away from our talking?? im not digging that idea.

i cant wait till the fucking summer! im so sick of the cold weather.
my vacation is next month!!! im sooo happy and excited for that :) :) :) u have noo idea.
man i need to get outdoors more.. im sick of being locked up inside all the time.

for the past few weeks ive been having bad anxiety that lasts all day..
i think its mostly related to food.. it sucks and i hope it hurrys up and passes.

if my stomach hurts more tomorrow i will be pissed :(
although the good thing about it is i eat waaay less when it does hurt
but the bad thing is i have to wear fat clothes and feel like shit all day